I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
