Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
