So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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