Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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