So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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