Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize