i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
