Tell her she can't have a vagina
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
