When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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