She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
