Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize