he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize