Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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