So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
