You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
