My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
