At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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