Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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