i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
