Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
