You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
