remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
