Someone shit on the floor
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
