remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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