I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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