I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
