you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
