I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
