But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
