You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
