...so i touched it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
