Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
