Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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