Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
