i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize