If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize