no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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