Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
