You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
