He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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