UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
