I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
