Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
