So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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