Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
