I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
