Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
