just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
