jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
