apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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