I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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