is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found puke in my bra..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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