When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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