Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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