OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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