Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
