woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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