You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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