i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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