I got her a Nickelback box set.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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