Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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