do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
