Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
