wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
