She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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